whirlwind.

Since we've been parked in San Francisco, I've seen a drug deal go down, I've read about what is going on in Venezuela and President Chavez, all very interesting. Some now constitution amendments are up for a vote soon in Venezuela, and of course you have the American media doing everything they can make us anti-Chavez, and you have Chavez doing everything he can to make himself seem like a God send...I think some of the new amendments seem great, they read well anyway. If Chavez is indeed a politician, then you never know. There is an amendment that would allow the President to stay in power as long as the people vote him in, and that is questionable, but who knows..if a true form of democracy exists..then why not...then again, does true democracy exist? Also, Israel is apparently cutting fuel supplies in Palestine..ridiculous. Read for yourself.

http://www.zmag.org/content/showarticle.cfm?SectionID=45&ItemID=14397

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/middle_east/7121313.stm

border crossing

Where was I at yesterday? Awake in my bunk listening to a song I should've written for a friend of mine. I didn't write it though, I'm missing that 6th sense, I am missing the elusive ability to capture a simply truth in a convicting way. I want to find some way to gather all the ghosts you've left floating around my head, like drifting halos and your adorable little satans sitting on my shoulder with a disarming fascade of innocence, pushing me to go further, pushing me to lose my mind. I gladly take part, faking rationality and becoming all self-righteous with my confidence, like a college student who just walked with honors. I'll find some Thoreau-esk cabin in the smokey mountains and live there for a month or so, and all of my ghosts are invited. Please remind me why I've turned out this way, but this is no pity party, maybe it's a celebration. I need to you be as real as possible, I'll drink until you materialize from your haze, you'll wind up on the couch next to me and we'll get to the bottom of things. I'll apologize for everything, over and over again. Although, you owe me some right back, I'm not all to blame for this. I just want to be aware of myself and you...no Mae, no current recollection of my routine, as lazy as it is. I want to be surrounded my mountains and clean mirrors, no clocks, no TVs, just record players, cameras and sheets of blank paper so I can write down what you say to me, I'll do my best to canonize it. I'll remember it all with needles and ink. Where am I these days? A song can break my heart and it my feels like my prayers are being spewed out the wide open end of a funnel into the streets, I don't think they have the honesty to reach great heights. I'm sorry. I do have faith that there are certain people praying for me, someone came up to me in Toronto and asked me if they could pray for me right there, it is such an odd experience, I let him...i felt it was a sweet gesture, I wonder why did felt like he needed to do that. If a random man (dressed in a pinstripe suit with a brief case) who claimed to be God came into a Dunkin Donuts while you were there drinking coffee, if He told you he was Jesus, and asked you to come along if you believe in His word, would you? Would your pride and intellect let you believe him, and would your faith allow you to walk behind him, leaving your friends, car, pets, family, house, behind? I'm in a place, and I'm not sure what the parameters are. Hey Mom and Dad, don't worry about me, you've raised me right, I'll be fine.

"And some things are over
Some things go on
And part of me you carry
Part of me is gone"

memory.

we had a taxi driver tonight named manny. even though it was close to, if not below, freezing tonight, when i first looked at him, he was wiping sweat from his neck and ears. jacob and dave and i sat down in the back seat of the cab and i noticed that the smell was tolerable, maybe even pleasant in limited exposure, like gasoline. there were 4 air fresheners hanging from the rearview and i could hardly the meter that tells us how much we owe. on the way to the movie theater he proceeded to tell us about his day, and how it had been an unexpected turn for the better, "proof of God's love", he said. he talked about how he spent the day with his grand son, he mentioned that his ex wife had taken everything from him, and that she thought he would probably go "cookoo", but she was wrong, he has a sense of peace, maybe arrested development of denial, on his way to becoming aware of his loneliness. his smiles all came from God's love for us, a love that is displayed in DNA, the fact that not one person on earth is the same, God took the time to make all of us unique from on e another. A simple minded, and undeniably charming taxi driver from haiti was going on about Jesus Christ, mentioning how no understands his love unless they give themselves a chance to feel it, and everyone will make their own judgements, but that none of it matters. he seems wise enough to sleep at night, to ignore living and focus on life. he shrugs it off, like i assume he's forced to shrug off memories of his ex wife who took everything. whenever i meet someone like this man, i always presume a very uneasy and unpredictable layer exists just beneath his smile, as if after engaging in a conversation, he might reveal some sliver of his sinister personality, one that God's love can disguise. My dad always says that Jesus was either who he said he was, or a lunatic....nothing in between. I think the same of this taxi driver. he could speak french and play the trumpet. i think these unexpected encounters are the most genuine and valuable memories i will have after Mae is over. the shows are great, but encounters like these are glimpses of a world i'm insulated from, a glimpse of motivation and the human spirit. someone who reveals to three strangers that his ex wife took everything, and says so with such a grateful attitude towards God and the life he has been given. It's funny, I assume a christian can use this man as a positive example of God, and an atheist can use it in the same manner and emphasize how it's a perfect example of the opiate. either way, i enjoyed the cab ride.

not qualified

On this tour, we have been recycling as much as we can. We have 3 yellow bens that we put outside our bus door each day...throughout the day we will throw plastic bottles, cans, glass etc in those bins, and at the end of the day, put those bins back in the bays of our bus until the next stop. well, last night, in Washington DC, they were stolen!! It's mildly humorous and quite frustrating...I guess those who may be down on thier luck would perhaps see the aluminum cans, glass bottles, etc. think that if they could turn those in, they will get a small amount of coin...anyway...go figure.

anyway, moving on. right now we are on a day off in New Jersey and I keep thinking of the mob and the Sopranos and Good Fellas and every other movie I've seen that was based on the mafia. I'm also thinking about metal, and the fact that, although I am not much a metal fan, I am picky about it. One of things that annoys me about a lot of metal bands is that some have tendency to "tow the line"...the sing/scream crap, especially these days. It's very predictable, you know how it is...the intensity of the verses that are soothed and brought to a new level of emotion by the sing songy conviction of a sappy chorus, I can just imagine some dude holding thier finger to their ear while they try to belt out the chorus...I say NO! (but before my foot is too deep into my mouth, I must admit my love for Poison the Well...who, if anyone is familiar, had perfected, and was somewhat of a pioneer of the scream/sing style...i love Poison the Well though, so whatever) I'm spouting my opinion based on something really intangible and mostly subjective..but still, I'm right :-) So here are some metal bands I like. (I have not nearly enough knowledge of the genre to even write an essay on it, but still...so what)









haha, honestly, i'm a sucker. I have no qualifications to speak about metal whatsoever...every one of these bands except for one of them involve phil anselmo. I just wanted to run my mouth and post videos.

simply awareness.

i'm a good for nothing. a smile and a handshake. a drink and some records can get me into that pseudo inspired revolutionary mood, the harmlessly boisterous (drunken) pickets from a leather couch. you people know that phrase,---"whats best for for everyone is bound to hurt somebody?" i just heard it sang from an ipod in my kitchen while watching a baseball game. In my head, that is a conflict of ideas. awareness vs dismissal.