I read some of Genesis recently, and I'm always enamored with the idea of God. In terms of the whole bible, the task of internally coming to a place where you can reconcile God with Jesus is not easy. The two, who are the same, and yet not the same, the ongoing paradox of Christian theology. Also, I've been thinking about the idea of God in context of feeling and acting on emotions that we as humans can understand, more specifically the emotion of regret, or remorse. In Genesis, Chapter 6, verse 6 it says that, "The Lord was grieved that He had made man on earth and his heart was filled with pain", in just that one example, God was not happy with what he had made, so unhappy in fact, that he wiped all of mankind from the earth, saving just one "prototype". In my head I can just imagine God drawing out the design of life, and at a certain point, realizing he was moving in the wrong direction, so he started over. God made a mistake!? That idea is comforting to me. I don't fall in line with those who get all up in arms when someone questions the actions/motivations/behaviors of God or Jesus. The idea of God experiencing human emotions only validates him. A friend of mine mentioned the scripture as metaphor and should not be taken literal...I wondered about how we will always chose what we want from the Bible. I think I should go back to school and learn all about Theology. All this talk about Reverend Wright and his contextual theology. If contextual theology is validated, and I think that it is something to be taken into account, then what does that mean? And to what ends to we take it? Does the story of Christ change slightly depending on what race you are, what time period you grew up in? And if you say no, then how do you align your personal experience with those of other people, other cultures, and all come to an agreement. As nit picky as that may be, it creates conflict, which is the poison of man's intellect and arrogance, fragile and shallow faith. I had a discussion the other day with a man who was almost 20 years old than me and we basically going back and forth, arguing/discussing politics which led to discussions on human nature, and this did nothing to eradicate, or even shift my outlook on the cycle of living. I mentioned that theories are as worthless as ideals. That comment comes off as ridiculous, but I don't mean it in the same brazen manner in which it sounds, there are contexts here. But by the end of the conversation, we had dug ourselves so deep into the understanding that if human life, at this time, in this country, is only an act of survival and preservation, and ambition, then what is it going to take to everyone on one page moving towards one goal? Do we even need that? Well, I'll tell you that it won't be done through Capitalism, because the idea of capitalism undermines a communal aspect of existence, unless you count the common idea of pursuit of wealth, which creates shallow partnerships and deep fractures, I think it ultimately divides more. You only need to look on the news to see its evidence. Am I a socialist? No. What are we conditioning ourselves for? What are we preparing our children for? What can you even afford to do? What time do you have to do it? The idea of "distraction" is a sleeping giant that will never let you alone long enough to break from its grasp. This is not national, it is global. it's 98% vs 2%.
Hmm, but what else! We're in Seattle for a wedding of a good friend of ours, and I'm excited to be here, although, I'm not too motivated to go out tonight. I'm a glorious 5th wheel in this situation and I'm not sure I want to be around so much affection and love and hopeful futures as I will be tonight, and this weekend. But that is not to say I am against the idea, I am merely envious, and fortunate. I'm in a hotel bed watching Nascar on mute. I think I'm going to write a friend of mine a letter, and explain myself to her, not because I need to, or because I owe it to her, but mainly because it's comforting to write letters. And it is very easy for the recipient of the letter to ignore said letter, by just throwing it away. I feel like I'm being more productive when I express myself to another person, that way it puts in an objective context and there is more a chance for you to hear how ridiculous you might sound, or it might validate your position more. It lets me move forward. Do you think it's depressing to realize that the problems you experience have been being dealt with for years, and those problems are nothing new, nothing more valuable or unique than any others? Or would it be more depressing if your problems and issues were unique? Would it make you feel more validated while you complain and sulk? I think I prefer the former, it encourages a non dramatic existence, and forces you to live and not dwell. How unfair it is that when a loved one, or any person dies, the world continues to spin, and maybe at first you are appalled and unable to even imagine going back to living your life, how insensitive you might think it seems, but unless that world didn't keep spinning, you might just die yourself. Maybe your heart couldn't take the pain for too long, the world is spinning mercilessly to kick you into gear and keep you focused, because the last thing the deceased want is for the living to lose sight of what is important, and not give up the beauty and joy of living. It's a crazy thought, bodies just shutting down. I was going to write something, but I lost my train of thought. I think that your life, and your emotions are validated by those you love and those who love you back. I am not a person who employs a solipsist thought. I am not interested in the cosmos, parallel existence, the science of dreams...as fascinating as all of those are. I am more interested in interaction and the mystery of humanity and their social/mental architecture. The true slant of human nature.
I went to a bachelor party last night and I felt like I was in a parody. Not to fault the company, it was all very surreal. I have only my parents to thank for my dwindling rationality and my social manners.