remember that band sick of it all?
I'm tedious and I ignore all the tells. i'm a bad poker player and it's because i lack patience, patience for you, patience for God, patience for people's disheartening lack of understanding. i analyze the wrong part of the machine and get all bent out of shape, and it turns into some dizzying dance of futile protest, and the machine keeps spitting its grease all over the rivers and plains, and through the speakers, onto the pages of magazines and tv commercials. i'm growing tired and exhausted of the view, the bright colors and cheap melodies, mopped up from the floor after the shows from years ago, squeezed into a bucket with some bleach and poured into plastic cups, swallowed and poisoned and tricked and laughing. and then there's me, i'm kind of indifferent about it all, the excitement comes from loneliness and folk songs and loud feedback wretchedness. the rub and low soft 60 watt bulbs, tv's on mute and creativity giving way to laziness and lust. i'll write a few words and my head will roll off my shoulders and land with my eyes towards the floor, they used to point towards the ceiling-- ya know, looking up--now they just lie where they fall, cause the sky is the same as the dirt. it's all a mess of rolling stone and teen beat. it's an almagamation of true love and highschool betrayal. it's a combination of ambition and reality..they always stand at odds. ambition is really just a ghost that teases you with possibilities and dreams realized. pessimism is peaceful to me, you can just lie and watch it all fold, just as you expected, keep your feet dry and watch the trash form some kind of smiling "told ya so" look. but all is fine, I leave for the day and God makes the bed, and i come home, only to fuck it up again. i watch TV cause it distracts me from music, and music distracts me from myself, or makes me aware of myself, either one is desired. is desire a sign of deficiency? i read that today, or is desire a sign of being human..well, maybe the intrinsic truth of humans rests in deficiency. play the blues and forget it the next day.