Monday, November 19, 2007

border crossing

Where was I at yesterday? Awake in my bunk listening to a song I should've written for a friend of mine. I didn't write it though, I'm missing that 6th sense, I am missing the elusive ability to capture a simply truth in a convicting way. I want to find some way to gather all the ghosts you've left floating around my head, like drifting halos and your adorable little satans sitting on my shoulder with a disarming fascade of innocence, pushing me to go further, pushing me to lose my mind. I gladly take part, faking rationality and becoming all self-righteous with my confidence, like a college student who just walked with honors. I'll find some Thoreau-esk cabin in the smokey mountains and live there for a month or so, and all of my ghosts are invited. Please remind me why I've turned out this way, but this is no pity party, maybe it's a celebration. I need to you be as real as possible, I'll drink until you materialize from your haze, you'll wind up on the couch next to me and we'll get to the bottom of things. I'll apologize for everything, over and over again. Although, you owe me some right back, I'm not all to blame for this. I just want to be aware of myself and you...no Mae, no current recollection of my routine, as lazy as it is. I want to be surrounded my mountains and clean mirrors, no clocks, no TVs, just record players, cameras and sheets of blank paper so I can write down what you say to me, I'll do my best to canonize it. I'll remember it all with needles and ink. Where am I these days? A song can break my heart and it my feels like my prayers are being spewed out the wide open end of a funnel into the streets, I don't think they have the honesty to reach great heights. I'm sorry. I do have faith that there are certain people praying for me, someone came up to me in Toronto and asked me if they could pray for me right there, it is such an odd experience, I let him...i felt it was a sweet gesture, I wonder why did felt like he needed to do that. If a random man (dressed in a pinstripe suit with a brief case) who claimed to be God came into a Dunkin Donuts while you were there drinking coffee, if He told you he was Jesus, and asked you to come along if you believe in His word, would you? Would your pride and intellect let you believe him, and would your faith allow you to walk behind him, leaving your friends, car, pets, family, house, behind? I'm in a place, and I'm not sure what the parameters are. Hey Mom and Dad, don't worry about me, you've raised me right, I'll be fine.

"And some things are over
Some things go on
And part of me you carry
Part of me is gone"

13 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

zach will you guys be playing call the office in london with anberlin tonight?

4:06 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

great post! and thanks for an awesome show at the kool haus(toronto), hope to see you in toronto soon! i hope its uplifting to know that your fans pray for you! have a safe tour and stay healthy! ps: thanks delk, jacob and zach for taking pictures and talking to me after your peformance, it meant a lottt to me.
- daniel

10:10 AM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sometimes I have this immense urge to write- anything... and it's been a while since I've felt that way. Maybe because my life has been sort of stagnant, maybe because it has been too hectic or too complicated for my own good. Or maybe I'm just avoiding myself, in fear that I won't like what I have to say.... but after i read this, i felt that urge to write again.

-Kate

10:44 PM

 
Blogger Melanie said...

Sometimes you leave me speechless. I always do pray for you.

2:28 AM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i believe in you, you'll pull through!!

7:57 AM

 
Blogger AJ said...

zach, i hope & pray that you will allow God to gently hold your heart in His tender hands...compassionately removing the splinters that past relationships and this world have left implanted. you have so many people caring & praying for you...what a beautiful pure reflection of God's love for you..that He would stir other hearts all over this world, by His Spirit, to show you His love. have a beautiful thanksgiving! :)

3:54 PM

 
Blogger Sam said...

"i don't think they have the honesty to reach great heights"

i can't remember the last time i read anything so honest.

8:11 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

zach my "History of Rock" prof said that on something like iTunes, you (the guitarist) probably make a penny of the 99 cents... if you have a decent major label contract.
Is this true?
I feel so bitter for having supported the music industry. I would way rather just pay to go to concerts ... or download the album and pay the artist cash or something haha.

10:18 PM

 
Blogger David said...

1 cent? if that. ha, rock on.

12:33 AM

 
Blogger Elston Gunn said...

lack of inspiration is like a red light, you may be stopped but eventually the light will change...

9:48 AM

 
Anonymous hannah said...

you make me think about things in my own life. thanks for that.

12:28 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have never for a minute doubted it !
Dad

5:35 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

hey, i like this

Eliz

4:17 PM

 

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