border crossing

Where was I at yesterday? Awake in my bunk listening to a song I should've written for a friend of mine. I didn't write it though, I'm missing that 6th sense, I am missing the elusive ability to capture a simply truth in a convicting way. I want to find some way to gather all the ghosts you've left floating around my head, like drifting halos and your adorable little satans sitting on my shoulder with a disarming fascade of innocence, pushing me to go further, pushing me to lose my mind. I gladly take part, faking rationality and becoming all self-righteous with my confidence, like a college student who just walked with honors. I'll find some Thoreau-esk cabin in the smokey mountains and live there for a month or so, and all of my ghosts are invited. Please remind me why I've turned out this way, but this is no pity party, maybe it's a celebration. I need to you be as real as possible, I'll drink until you materialize from your haze, you'll wind up on the couch next to me and we'll get to the bottom of things. I'll apologize for everything, over and over again. Although, you owe me some right back, I'm not all to blame for this. I just want to be aware of myself and you...no Mae, no current recollection of my routine, as lazy as it is. I want to be surrounded my mountains and clean mirrors, no clocks, no TVs, just record players, cameras and sheets of blank paper so I can write down what you say to me, I'll do my best to canonize it. I'll remember it all with needles and ink. Where am I these days? A song can break my heart and it my feels like my prayers are being spewed out the wide open end of a funnel into the streets, I don't think they have the honesty to reach great heights. I'm sorry. I do have faith that there are certain people praying for me, someone came up to me in Toronto and asked me if they could pray for me right there, it is such an odd experience, I let him...i felt it was a sweet gesture, I wonder why did felt like he needed to do that. If a random man (dressed in a pinstripe suit with a brief case) who claimed to be God came into a Dunkin Donuts while you were there drinking coffee, if He told you he was Jesus, and asked you to come along if you believe in His word, would you? Would your pride and intellect let you believe him, and would your faith allow you to walk behind him, leaving your friends, car, pets, family, house, behind? I'm in a place, and I'm not sure what the parameters are. Hey Mom and Dad, don't worry about me, you've raised me right, I'll be fine.

"And some things are over
Some things go on
And part of me you carry
Part of me is gone"