perspective.

"Warming her wrists in promising water, somebody's love, another one's daughter"...That is from a Jets to Brazil song called "Conrad" and it is about a girl who commits suicide. There have been many songs about suicide, why does this one effect me the way it does? I've thought about that so many times. Why do certain songs about love or suicide or death, (songs with topics that are so general and have been done so many times), why do certain songs hit me harder than others? I think the answer is perspective, a point of reference that is unfamiliar to you, a new way of looking at something. "Walk a mile in my shoes." To be able to see things from another point of view is so important. To be opened up to a new way of seeing the world, seeing a relationship, seeing an action that upon first glance is unjustified. It's not so much that the key to understanding lies in resignation of your own opinion or idea, but that it can be enhanced and enlightened when other ideas and opinions are recognized from the source which they come from. It can be uncomfortable and in a certain ways it can shake your foundation, it has for me...but that can only lead to a strengthening of where my heart started from, and where my head has been. It's crazy how something so threatening, or frightening can lead to a place of security in who you are, or who you love. Maybe it will lead you to a place of even more turmoil, but at the same time, it is so worth it if you are to grow into someone to has a firm two feet to stand on. How can anyone be comfortable and settle into something while being meant to grow at the same time. Growth in every manner is painful--physical, emotional, spiritual, etc.
"And the greater the agitation, the greater the confusion and effort it cost me to accept the new impressions, the dearer they were to me, the more delightful they rocked my entire soul. All at once, suddenly, they crowded into my heart without allowing any rest. A strange sort of chaos began to disturb the whole of my being. But this spritual turbulence did not havethe capacity or the power to upset me completely. I was too dreamy, and this saved me."--Fyodor Dostoevsky, "Poor Folk"

go figure.

I heard The Weakerthans in a Starbucks this morning...ironic.

ZZzzz.

I'm listening to Bob Dylan right now and outside the bus is Boise, a rather charming city. Last night we played in Salt Lake City and it was one of those shows when I realize how thankful I should be. Thanks to everyone who came to that show and to everyone who continues to teach us more than we can imagine about what we do and the blessing that is. It's strange that so many people have come up and thanked us, I truly believe it should be the opposite. We will forever be thankful to all of our fans and those who come out to our shows, beyond words. Recently I was listening to Live and I was reminded of how blind I am, and we all are. I ask for so much, all the time, I ask for proof, and explanation as if it's hard to find everyday in every city I find myself in. There's this song by Live called "Heaven", and we were driving to Salt Lake,( which by itself is an experience that rips your spirit right out of you and tries to drag you along with it out into the desert, like it belongs there or something), but this song has this lyric, it's in the chorus, and it says, "I don't need no one to tell me about heaven, I look at my daughter and I believe"....maybe some people would think this is cheesy, but I think it does a great job of reminding me that it's rather obvious that there is something going on that I can't even tap into, because if I did, I couldn't take it. The whole idea of creativity and creation alone is something that I can't fathom, a inexplicable desire and drive to understand something so intangible and so undeniable. When I think about it, it is over whelming, but I can't stop thinking about it, because it is so abundant in everything I see, and it's strange because it's so obvious to me, and other people can ignore it, we are all built so differently. Hmmm....can the desire to understand anything completely become a burden due to the fact that I can never fully understand it, the same thing that can be discouraging is the same thing that is exciting about it. So, anyway...I go through the same things all the time, it's cyclical and the answer always ends up being illusive. Kierkegaard talks about how music is something that serves as a conduit for expression, communcations which would otherwise be impossible, a spiritual language or something, and how right he is. I feel like I'm just floating somewhere, i'm exhausted, and my brain can't make sense of what it sees, my heart can't beat strong enough for my own good, the blood can't move fast enough.