oh dear.

I saw a dear today, eating grass in a languid manner that most of us have never even come close to. just wandering. matt and I crept closer, and the dear looked up at us as if to say "yeah so?". does a dear have shoulders? if so, it shrugged its smooth shoulders and lowered its head again to continue eating. oh dear oh dear. matt and I walked over a brigde that led us over a creek, the path we took was flanked by poison ivy on both sides. we saw some apples, some rocks, some water, and a fence that reminded us how, in america (aside from national parks), there is very little left. where ever there is land, there is real estate. where ever there is real estate, there is money. where ever there is money, there is a motivation. where ever there is motivation there are green desires waiting to be poisoned. today i was thinking about what vehicles are best for social change. there are two roads of thought: from within the system, or against the system. reform or revolution. the realists maybe thinks that it's foolish to even think about change in a positive way, given the nature of the dwindling human spirit..i feel like it's being suffocated by warnings, concerns, cautions and MTV. the dwindling human spirit. across the globe, it's becoming quite desolate. the smiles run as deep as they reach across. the sadness shining bright like heaven from weathered eyes is engaging. I think that the only purity left radiates from children. anyway..back to my vehicle for social change..i should stop right there. social change translates. the minute you start debating social change, it quickly evolves into a bottom line of human spirit. and how can you debate human spirit? people have thier mentalities, thier opinions, thier churches, friends, parents. the idealists, maybe they believe that change can happen from within, but that seems far fetched as well. dear oh dear. my friend was a victim of a rant of mine, going on and on about the bible and it's flaws, and it's confusions and contradictions..and she said, simply, "it's all interpretation"...and it is. so shut up.

first day over.

I haven't written on here in a while, mainly because I haven't had much to say. Right now I'm writing because we are now on tour with the Fray and OK GO, and our first show in minneapolis was last night. It's always somewhat nerve racking to go up on stage on a tour of this size for the first time, my fingers are crossed that there are no unfortunate surprises, and last night, thanks to our crew, the night went smooth. Playing an arena is strange. I really have no idea how the songs are coming across, sometimes I feel like I'm just playing to a bunch of mannequins. Mostly I can't even see the audience, and then the lights will shine out into the audience and I'm all, "woah, there a lot of people here". I guess I'm just saying that playing arena shows are still a bit strange to me, and I need to adjust. Either way, I'm stoked to be on the tour. The catering rules my face off, it was stuffed chicken last night. After the show I went out with a friend to a bar called the Imperial room or something and drank some expensive drinks and then went back to the bus rolled down a hill on my skateboard a few times and then proceeded to fall asleep. I was excited to use my new amp last night, I'm still getting used to it. I have to get a few more things for my rack, it's empty right and looks kind of funny. Anyway, we'l be in Chicago for the next few days, come say hi.

I went to church today.

This excerpts are from a book that is analyzing "The Brothers Karamazov" by Dostoevsky. I like it, so I'm posting it.

"The sinner is part of God's mysterious design; and there are moments when a truly divine light appears over the most abject of misery"

"We must never cease loving the sinner because God always continues to love him. True love and justice will prevail only when God's forgiveness speaks through man's humility and no thoughts of moral superiority must ever enter our hearts."

"To believe in God and to undertake and follow Him irrespective of the consequences--that is too much of a risk to take, as the Grand Inquisitor suggests. The Church gives man a lighter burden to carry; it preaches, explains, and selects the truth, forgives sins, and bestowes the happiness of children upon man. The price demanded for this is high; man must surrender his freedome of thought, but he willingly does so. He no longer serves God as God may demand of him but as the Church tells him. God's mysteries and miracles will henceforth be monopolized and administered by the Church."

"The cardinal as the advocate of evil is quite verbose; he appears logical and persuasive; his arguments are saturated with wordly-wise experience. But Christ remains mute. Truth exists by its own majesty."

It's pretty apparent that the "church" being talked about is more catholic oriented, but the essence of what it is saying is very important, whether or not it can be directly applied. It is interesting to think about God being used, as opposed to a person being used by God. God is such an abstract and influential aspect of culture, and I think that is very easy to slip into a mode of spiritual existence in which one's motives are claimed to be God's, through a medium of the Church, someone being taught how to listen, how to understand, etc. People like to call me out on my generalization of the "Church", and they point out that all churches aren't of this nature, and I know that. Although, the point is not to demonize the church, but to make the church (in it's modern context) less important. Dependence upon the church is the same as any other dependence, unhealthy passed a certain point. I went to church today, and the sermon was wonderful simply for the fact that it focused on the freedom of one's own life, and focused on our ability to discern for ourselves what is wrong or right. The preacher mentiond the term "grey area" in a way that gives it validity, and didn't dismiss it. Growth is important. Just like a child who, as he or she grows, becomes less dependent on the parents; it shouldn't be too different with one's relationship with God and our growth into understanding Him in different contexts.