resign and shrug it off.

I used to read a lot about politics. I'd check out books from the library, and check out certain websites every day. Sometimes I'd even try to watch C-span, but it all became regurgitated ideas about how to fix problems that run deeper than most people's understanding allow them to go. I stopped reading, or caring much, and it at times I think I should feel concern over the fact that I don't care much anymore. Should I feel concern that I don't care to watch a speech that Pres. Bush gives, or an episode of "Meet the Press?" I figure all these theoretical ideas that are spewed forth by Chomsky or Machiavelli, or Howard Zinn or Emma Goldman, Karl Marx, they are all just books. I guess the exception to this is Karl Marx, and maybe certain points of Machiavelli have been put into action, although, these ideas have not been without heavy criticism. In the west, I've become bored and everything seems to exist in the small box that our capitalistic/democratic-socialist society has set up. The box is getting smaller, and political parties are becoming increasingly similar. I think that at this point, there needs to be something "radical", but anyone, or any idea that represents something truly new and fresh will not see the light of day amongst the government chambers of tradition and lobbyists. I think that even when politicians start with an honest desire to go against the grain and to actually make a difference, they quicly realize how it works, and right then, their ambition gives way to self preservation. They begin to make decisions which keep them in office, rather than decisions that will represent something new. I suppose it's a catch 22...to make a change at all, you have to be in some kind of office. So the reason someone wants to be involved in politics is perhaps compramised when you realize what it takes to actually stay where you are, and even more so if you want to advance up the slippery ladder. It's impossible to make everyone happy, so everything becomes watered down. I am not interested at all in these upcoming elections, or rather, I'm not too excited at the list of candidates. As much as I want Bush out, I can't get behind anyone at this moment, because they are all just smiling and saying the same things that have been said for the last eight years. It's all about the war, how we need to leave (which would leave the Iraqi people in a rather despondant state, a state in which we helpled create), or about how we need to stay the course (which would lead to more of our soldiers dead, lead to more money thrown into the war, and a rebuilding that doesnt seem to have any direction at the moment)..it all depends on which news channel you watch, or what candidate you listen to. The thing is, neither of those sources represent the truth. What's even more confusing and typical, is that the truth changes based on who you listen to. The point of this post is not to let you know how I feel about the situation over seas, or to let you know what party I align myself with, I guess I'm just expressing my discontent, a discontent that is increasingly typical among people my age, and a discontent which could very well lead to indifference. These people in office just seem to be dancing to really bad song that they wrote and can't seem to end. I won't pretend to know what it's like for Bush, or for Rice, or for the people in Iraq, Iran, Syria, Lebanon, Isreal or Palestine. I can complain about what I see, what I hear, but I will never know the full story, because that is all classified. I think that even the things we do vote on, the opinions we do form, are based on snippets of a situation which is not fully disclosed. Everything is so far gone, that to repair it, it would require a full over haul of human spirit, a thorough reform. Our country is built on something like a jenga puzzle. I have a dwindling faith in a society of people which is pushed a point of skepticism and distrust by our own design of capitalism and foreign policy (Ayn Rand, the VIRTUE of selfishness?). I would not, and could not call myself an anarchist, although Jacob and I always discuss the pros and cons of socialism vs capitalism. Self preservation is a rule that we all must account for, and our selfish nature is always a parameter to consider when analyzing and considering the possibility of any ideal political situation. Whatever.

some woody.

Do you still sing of the mountain bed we made of limbs and leaves?
Do you still sigh there near the sky where the holly berry bleeds?
You laughed as I covered you over with leaves
Face, breast, hips, and thighs
You smiled when I said the leaves were just the color of your eyes

Rosin smells and turpentine smells from eucalyptus and pine
Bitter tastes of twigs we chewed where tangled wood vines twine
Trees held us in on all four sides so thick we could not see
I could not see any wrong in you, and you saw none in me

Your arm was brown against the ground, your cheeks part of the sky
Your fingers played with grassy moss, as limber you did lie
Your stomach moved beneath your shirt and your knees were in the air
Your feet played games with mountain roots as you lay thinking there

Below us the trees grew clumps of trees, raised families of trees, and they
As proud as we tossed their heads in the wind and flung good seeds away
The sun was hot and the sun was bright down in the valley below
Where people starved and hungry for life so empty come and go

There in the shade and hid from the sun we freed our minds and learned
Our greatest reason for being here, our bodies moved and burned
There on our mountain bed of leaves we learned life's reason why
The people laugh and love and dream, they fight, they hate to die

The smell of your hair I know is still there, if most of our leaves are blown
Our words still ring in the brush and the trees where singing seeds are sown
Your shape and form is dim but plain, there on our mountain bed
I see my life was brightest where you laughed and laid your head...

I learned the reason why man must work and how to dream big dreams
To conquer time and space and fight the rivers and the seas
I stand here filled with my emptiness now and look at city and land
And I know why farms and cities are built by hot, warm, nervous hands

I crossed many states just to stand here now, my face all hot with tears
I crossed city, and valley, desert, and stream, to bring my body here
My history and future blaze bright in me and all my joy and pain
Go through my head on our mountain bed where I smell your hair again.

All this day long I linger here and on in through the night
My greeds, desires, my cravings, hopes, my dreams inside me fight:
My loneliness healed, my emptiness filled, I walk above all pain
Back to the breast of my woman and child to scatter my seeds again

hey everyone.

It's been a while since I posted anything worth reading. So I'll try to catch up. We just got home yesterday, and when I walked through the door I saw the new amp I just bought. A 1977 Marshall JMP 50, so on the next few tours expect to see that. I figure I'll still use one of my Oranges as my number two amp. I got kind of bored with the Oranges and I wanted something bigger, something with more of a traditional Rock sound. The last few days of tour went by in some kind of blur. I was seeing a lot of my friends and didn't spend much time with the band, it was odd. I'd see them right before show time and would feel the need to catch up. In Tallahassee, a friend and I went to Wakulla Springs and swam all day. I hate cold water, but she dragged me in and once my breath came back to me and my body went numb, it was fine. It seems that whenever I'm outside, bees and wasps and horsefly's always find me and fly around my head. I am still deathly afraid of stinging insects, I don't even know if I'm allergic to them, and I don't even think I ever had a really horrible experience with them. No worse than any other kids growing up. One time, when I was young, my family was camping at this campsite in North Carolina called Deep Creek. We went there every year, I loved it. We had one of those pop-up campers, and we always got the same camp spot every year. One year, I was riding my bike and this bee gave chase, I swear it was right on my back tire the whole time, I could hear it. I pedaled as fast as my growing legs would allow and I rode right into a circle of women (one of which was my mother) sitting around in lawn chairs. I jumped off my bike while it was still moving and ran into the camper and locked the door. My mom came in and she asked me what was wrong, in a frantic and justifiably surprised manner. I answered, short with breath and high on adrenaline...."a bee was chasing me." So anyway back to the springs...it was fun. I met my friend's sister and it's funny how opposite they are, and they are so close in age. One is enjoying college life for all it has to offer, in a more typical fashion, while the other spends most of her time in a hot art studio, making books and cutting paper, and she recommends great books for me to read. I love that they get along. I also picked up the new Wilco that day, and I also bought the new Great Lake Swimmers. My friend bought the new Electrelane and played her favorite song over and over and sang out a tad out of key with a big smile on her face, it's summer time in Tallahassee. I also got to see my brother last week and we tried to find a bar and watch the Red Sox game, but it was rained out. So we just drank 2 beers and talked about guns and Seinfeld and then I had to go play a show. Anyway, the week was good, and now I'm back home. I'm going to start reading "100 Years of Solitude" soon, and continue to do nothing with my time. To hell with spelling.

whirlwind

A lot has happened since I've been in florida on this tour. I see all my old friends, so ya know, I get sidetracked and I just have a really good time. I stole a book from a bar tonight. It was odd...I saw these books set on top of a harth above a fireplace and they were obviously used just for decoration. So I walked over and just started looking at them, I do that sometimes. This time I found this book, and I liked it, so I took it. I forget what it was called, but it was written by a guy named Richard King. I'll update more later.

well.

the new wilco came out yesterday, do you have it yet? what are you waiting for?

just quotes

Whenever I don't have anything to say, I just find interesting quotes from the book I am currently reading. So here.

"that a man is always a prey to his truths. Once he had admitted them, he cannot free himself from them."

"Whence we wanted to make everything clear. If we cannot do so, if the absurd is born on that occasion, it is born precisely at the very meeting point of that effacious but limited reason with the ever ressurgent irrational."

"Reconciliation through scandal, is still reconciliation"

"For Sin is what alienates from God. The absurd, which is the metaphysical state of the conscious man, does not lead to God. Perhaps this notion will become clearer if I risk this shocking statement: the absurd is sin without God."

"In fact, our aim is to shed light upon the step taken by the mind when, starting from a phiilosophy of the world's lack of meaning, it ends up by finding a meaning and depth in it."

Those are all from "The Myth of Sisyphus", the book I'm reading now. I think it mainly focuses on the disconnect between what the objective world has to offer (essentially nothing in terms of a meaningful existence which offers itself to be "understood"), and a human's desire to find more meaning and purpose (irrationally, spiritually, etc) in life than what there is...nothing.

"He feels within him his longing for happiness and for reason.The absurd is born of this human need and the unreasonable silence of the world"

quote of my day.

"seeking what is true is not seeking what is desirable"--albert camus. A lot of what I'm thinking about is already based on a presumption.