devil's advocate 2

the advocate of my inner demon is floating around my head during these long drives on crowded interstates. this makes it very hard for me to sleep peacefully, especially when he's saying things like this:

it would be a blessing if the absurdity of christianity was brought to the forefront of the movement. the insulation has let complacency and arrogance be a force for too long. I think that christianity would be well served by a thorough raking of figurehead weeds, and a furious cleansing of the raucous parliaments of agenda prayer. I shouldn't write about christianity as though I'm on the inside. Are there people that are comfortable or even certain enough with their spirituality enough as to act as ambassadors to Christ? That question is a rhetorical one, because surely no one is. Christians should stop witnessing all together. They should keep their cluttered rolodex of tag lines to themselves. I would assume that God has a divine inclination which can tell Him where he would accomplish the most, and forgive me for assuming that middle to upper class suburban coffee shops aren't the most divinely inspired places.

and after the torturous monologue, i'm immediately kicked in the head...because...hey, what do i know?

05-13-09
i hate that i'll swim through thoughts while driving, never put them down and then just forget about them, or they just trip over each other while moving around in my head, slamming against the walls of my brain...ya know, it's nothing. it's parallel to my days traveling...just random images of passing country side. i can make believe every night of my life, put myself where ever I want to be and talk about as much or as little as I want. I've never created another identify for myself, that is no fun. But you're identity is always different when it's placed into different contexts. "I change by not changing at all"...
i could never write a book, i have no point A, nor do I have any point in my life that is a point worth talking about, but that is where the art of writing takes over. I lack imagination. i'm very reigned in and even fascinated by the cogs of a sober reality, so much so that i don't care to move beyond it. I do romanticize and idealize the infrastructure of cliches...blue collar, troubled, sensitive tragedies.

it is all so completely underwhelming, boring even...everything from the past has been made into legend, i figure if i I was there in the moment, i would walk away, over to some bar and find something else from the past.

how silly is it that i walk right by the best sellers shelf!

suck it tom petty

So we all went skydiving yesterday and it would be silly to go through all of the cliches that could be used when describing the event. Needless to say I was nervous, needless to say that falling to earth that fast, dropping 10,000 feet in one minute or something like that is a phenomenal and indescribable experience. We got there pretty late and we were the last jump of the day, and I was the first one out of the plane in my group. My tandem partner was very good at keeping my mind at ease and off the face that I was jumping out of a plane from 12,000 feet or something. I want to go again, and I honestly can't believe I went at all. Here are some pictures.

san francisco today!!

"art is born from extremes, and in fits of depression, agony, sadness, euphoria, lust and unfathomable love, a moment is created that all of the boring rote mechanics can identify with in passing, and for those who connect on a deeper level, it is crippling. visual, audio, literary..all of it. when then spirits of eternity find a conduit in some poor blue collar person who has a wandering or sensitive heart. the extremes are recorded and spewed into the middle to be understood, celebrated, undermined, marketed, dismissed or suffered."

turn away

i have no motivation to write much and i don't really think i identify much with my own "generation."
i'm pretty sure there is some irony in what i just said.