Sunday, January 06, 2008

back in va

I would guess that I am mostly a cynical person with a pleasant rational disposition. I can't explain my outlook because I'm constantly surprised (for the better and worse) by my actions, and the actions of others. I believe that we are mostly unable, ungracious, ungrateful, selfish and conditioned to have tunnel vision. Although, at times, we are made aware, and at times infected with the mystery of some elusive ghost-like benign will, or sickness. It's as if the person you love the most in the world leaves you, and your bedroom still holds the faint memory of unconditional love, it survives in small hints, rare increments, fractions that can over take you in waves. Annoying fits of nostalgia that infect your behavior; some remnants of a general morality that offends no one, a morality fit for children. I think that beauty and hope mostly spawn from the unversed innocence, the naive ignorance of love and birth; a mystery that can never be predicted, understood, nor destroyed If we were ever lucky enough to understand it, we would surely ruin it with our famous arrogance and grandiose gung-ho. We could mix the substitute chemicals in state subsidized labs and bottle it, sell it and claim the soul remains the same. Thank God for the mystery and inebriation. My parents are the best counter to my gripes. As much as I point out the weakness of people, they can just stand there looking at me, not saying a word. Love shouts and whispers all at just stares and lets me run my mouth all I want, grinning at me with a dismissive smirk and patting my head when my rant is done and I'm all out of breath. I can't get on board with optimism, but the good that does intertwine with the atmosphere and deserts, forests and plains, suburbs and sky scrapers. That benign will never settles until you trap it in something you value. It won't lie on your doorstep. It will always be influx, traveling from the slums to the gated communities. It is not socialist or capitalist, republican or democrat, upper or lower class, man or woman. It still flows to the outskirts, all the while exhausted and confused at the enigma of human nature. God made love non-sensical, it leaves us unable to explain actions that can stand in offensive contradiction to logic. Love is non-human, like venom that paralyzes our rationality and leaves us vulnerable, primitive and elated.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Your right, people are weak and fail in every arena ..."but love never fails. But whether there are prophecies, they will fail; whether there are tongues, they will cease; whether there is knowledge, it will vanish away." 1Cor.13:8............and we love you !

7:18 PM

Blogger Melanie said...

Hmmm.. I suppose in some ways love doesn't make sense... but then on the other hand, sometimes it's the only thing that really does. I really love what anonymous just said, too. It's too true.

It's great to have parents who love you. You are indeed blessed. I count myself very fortunate to be likewise blessed.

I had so hoped to actually get to talk to you in SLC. I always have a million things to say, but in passing can never think of one. I mentioned this to Dave and he said, Like what? I just went blank. C'est la vie.

I hope you are able to experience unconditional love in 2008. I think that would be so much better than simply happiness, don't you think?

God's blessings,

12:02 AM

Blogger AJ said...

seriously...someone tall enough to pat you on the head? :)you are loved dude!

5:12 PM

Blogger Catherine said...

i think i've only recently realized what you wrote on love. especially when it comes to family. they're the ones that when you messed up so bad look at you and say, "lets move on".

8:56 AM


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