Friday, March 14, 2008

i'm going west, but i'd rather go south

i'm waiting for laundry to dry and then i'm going to pack my suitcase for what feels like the 30th time this year. at this point, packing takes me about ten minute. i've been having nightmares of click tracks and bad midi cables, grounding issues, time constraints and distance sucking the smiles out of a good time. I'm very tired, and when I say tired, i mean exhausted, all the way down to my kidneys and other internal organs that support my life. also, it doesn't help that when I turn on NPR I get to hear about racism in the political arena and governors who pay insane amounts of money for sex, and then he apologizes for it with his wife at his side, so Clinton-esque! Although, a lot of politicians are racists, a lot of them pay for sex, they pay for votes and they blackmail, and they lie and all that great stuff that elected officials like to do. so i've been sliding down this cynical slide for the last 5 years of my life, i think it's all connected with reading books like "Deterring Democracy", or reading Ecclesiastes.

I should get in my car, clean the insides of it, fill it with gas and drive south, and further south, and try my best to close my eyes while I pass South of the Border, hold my breath while I cross the small bridge into Florida, pay close attention to the road signs in Jacksonville and end up on Lake Ivanhoe with a stomach full of sushi and a gut full of wine. Sushi makes me drunk, wine will just put me to sleep. i feel filthy, i am rotten.


Blogger Akinogal said...

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8:30 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

coco mango... mmmm.. delicious...

4:14 PM

Blogger Jecca said...

"The thief's purpose is to steal and kill and destroy. My purpose is to give life in all its fullness." -Jn. 10:10

"Come to me, all who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest." -Mt. 11:28

I've gotten the general impression over the past year that you know, or used to know, that He's the only one who can make you clean...correct me if I'm wrong. So you must know that your internal struggle and exhaustion is unnecessary because all you have to do (and the only remedy there is) is go to Him. Why don't you let all this junk go, Zach? It doesn't have to be this way. Jesus is the only source of life, and you can come against that with all kinds of intellect, cynicism and unbelief, but at the end of the day it's still the truth.

I don't say any of this with self-righteousness...I just hurt for you and saying nothing can't possibly help you at all.

10:09 PM

Blogger Melanie said...

You are ever the optimist, huh?
I have it on good authority that you are not this cynical ALL of the time.

I heard the first show went well. I am praying for you guys, though, as I know that sleep isn't something you will have huge amounts of time for looking at the tour schedule, and I know what it's like to be exhausted. I am fatigued quite often, but I usually create the situation myself. I should be sleeping, I'm blogging away even now.

Perhaps the best place for change is to see one's true state. Only then will we yield our will to what should be. I'm kinda there at myself over a few things at the moment. I hope that makes sense. I have to admit Jecca made a great deal of sense, too.

There is a little peace in being at the lake full of Sushi and drink, but it won't give you much love back. Giving and receiving love is risky, but worth it. That's something worth seeking.

3:51 AM

Blogger erin. said...

"distance sucking the smiles out of a good time"

8:09 AM

Blogger Brett aka Benji said...

We'll be rommies soon. Starting tomorrow?

10:46 AM


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