unfortunate turn

"i go to bed with these books and i steal these ideas
the absence of order, a pouring of tears
throw up my hands as a matter of fact
we grasp in the darkness, a resigned disconnect
the sun breaks the clouds
a new born takes new air
the gun's being emptied
the sore knees, the despair
through days of the week we constantly chose
an idea of the world to ignore

each day i wake up and i walk the same path
convictions forgotten
shrugged God's midnight wrath
i'm rollin my eyes at self proclaimed shrinks
spewing advice sounds like vomit in sinks...blah blah blah"

i had a close friend seemingly abandon me this week, and it seemed quite irrational, although, to claim something as irrationial implies that one would have an idea of what is actually rational. another friend of mine was told (by someone else) what type of personality she had, another friend of mine is trying to repair a marriage interrupted by a simple mistake that was mutual, and i am always hindered by the same thing everyone else is. to think of one's problems as unique to what anyone else might experience is either naive or arrogant. i figure in one person's head it might be comforting to consider his or her problems common, while another might want his or her problems to be unique. tonight we leave for SC and i dont even know if anyone knows we are playing there, but does it really matter? i wish i could act upon virtues i recognize in late hours, although, i quickly forget these comforting ideals the next day. drunk and lucid--what a pleasant combination, maybe misguided. i haven't talked to God in a while, I guess i've ventured away from him/her lately....and maybe i should be more alarmed, but i'm not right now. i watched a bob dylan dvd tonight which led me to look up pete seeger on wikipedia, apparently he was a communist who actually went to jail during the crazed mcarthy era, what a nutjob mcarthy was. all political ideologies are perfect in theory, but humans always screw them up. humans screw everything up, it's funny that the word "sacred" is actually still around, because what is sacred? does anyone know? there's always things that are sacred on a personal level i guess...but how quickly our structure is forgotten at the possibility of profit or everlasting comfort, or self preservation, did i spell that right?...i know i'm rambling. i bought the new blonde redhead on vinyl the other day, and i bought the new "explosions in the sky". but i think i've been listening to bright eyes the most lately, there is a lyric in a new song of his, it says,
"Headlights or Taillights it's a flip of a coin
I have been coming and going since the day I was born
And I followed the breadcrumbs but I never got home
I grew old in an instant now I am all on my own"....
is it ok to quote bright eyes anymore? has he become a parody of himself yet? who cares....everyone thinks they have a grasp on something...it's funny. i was gonna say something else, but i forgot what it was.