Sunday, November 12, 2006

PTA meetings.

My good friend got married today. I have known her since I was in Highschool. She is inquisitive, and no matter how bright it is outside, how dark it gets at night, or how cold it may be, she resonates the same warm glow. I remember when we became good friends, it was when I went to UCF. We existed in a world without consequences, or maybe we just didn't think of them. Our friendship was one of the more pure things I've experienced in my life, and it was always platonic. Although, some always thought our behavior was strange, a bit too comfortable and close. One semester in college, we had some classes together. In philosophy, she would always come in the classroom the same way and I swear she was always smiling. And what is great about it, is that I think she smiled right when she saw me. We sould sit there and pass notes to one another and talk about God and politics. We used to fight about politics, and we used to spend the night at each other's apartments. It was like we were 5 years old and didn't know about anything else save for the fact that we simply enjoyed each other's company. I imagine at point I was in love with her, maybe not. You know those friends that you have, or had, that are somewhat responsible for who you are today? She was of the only ones. We would sit in her room and look at old pictures and talk about her favorite jeans, or Saves the Day, she taught me about Elvis Costello and Belle and Sebastian, and had a cat named penny lane. We wondered about families and laughed at how lame we used to be in highschool. She was into Ska when she was in highschool. One time we went to Jacksonville together and saw Saves the Day play, it was spiritual, Saves the Day always have been for me I think. At the show, she found Chris Connely and told him to dedicate a song to me, and he did. "This goes out to Zach from his lady friend", and then they started playing "Holly Hox Forget Me Nots." We've always been close, but that one semester was like a perfect episode of tranquility with a person. I remember laughing constantly, and learning even more. She is complex and analytical, and she knows me too well. She can look at my face and know what I'm thinking. I remember I wrote her a note, and I forget what it said, and she was getting gas at an Exxon and for some reason she put the note on top of her car for a second, and then she forgot about it, it blew away and both of us wonder what that note said. Anyway, she's married now, and her life will never be the same. After a ceremony that lasted no longer than episode of "friends", her life is not soley hers anymore. So I saw her get married and I felt like an outsider there, even though, at the same time, I felt that I knew about her life more than most people there, but thats arrogant and dillusional considering we haven't hung out for more than a day in the last 2 or so years, maybe more. I'm happy for her, she can grow old and lose her ideals and rebellion, not because of anything other than a shfit in focus. Her focus will now be on her husband, and she will get up everyday and worry about him. She maybe won't worry about abortion rights, or the next political election, she won't sit and analyze songs anymore, and she won't worry about seeing bands play, she will wake up every morning with one thing on her mind, being a good Wife to her husband, and in time, a good mother. So that's beautiful, when your priorities shift and your thinking revolves around someone else. Block parties and PTA meetings, a bland suburban existance that is wonderful because of who you love, not because of what you do everyday. I wish her many pleasant Sunday afternoons. Congratulations.


Anonymous katie said...

so, i read about your friends' change in life status as though it was a negative thing, some kind of death of the wonderful person it sounds like she is. i'm not sure if it's because there's just an overall tone in what you've written, or because of my barely-subconcious dislike for words like "suburban existance".

it's something i think about sometimes, trying to imagine myself in ten years. i can't really do it. i have no idea what i'll be doing next year, so any further into the future and i'm without a frame of reference. but i worry sometimes that one day i will look back at my life and i won't recognize the person i used to be. and this is with the given, than there are many things i don't like about myself now and hope to improve upon. but what if one day i wake up, and suddenly find that i've become-- someone who is constantly turning the "noise" down and making shopping lists? someone who doesn't care about the things that today, are most important in my mind?

the one thing that eases my mind is that i don't anticipate marrying anyone who will expect me to turn into a bland, middle-aged, suburb-dwelling shadow of myself. i'm looking forward to being married someday to a man whose attributes will compliment mine and challenge me in my faults. i hope i get to marry someone who will share my ideals and be a partner in worrying about elections and going to art & music shows and play boggle with me and travel and talk about things that matter.

i know i have nothing to do with the friend you mentioned. but this entry made me think.

12:15 AM

Blogger Zach said...

it's not negative, it's a post about her, in a good light. and the thing about becoming a suburbanite, is that yout don't even realize it, or care, because your life revolves around this man or woman who you can't live without, and you would live any life just to be with him or her. the beauty of complete resignation in the form of love. not that love should require resignation, but that you desire to have a life that revolves around one person, and nothing else even exists.

12:31 AM

Anonymous Molly said...

So while reading this post I was listening to the acoustic version of Giving It Away. It just hit me, how powerful that whole post was. I only wish I had a friend like that, and in time I suppose that I might.

Molly :-)

P.S. I always love reading what you have to say. I have to admit that I don't understand everything you talk about but I am trying to learn to understand it. I find myself often thinking about similar things but I am unable to say them in my own words so it's awesome to have someone to listen to.

4:37 PM

Blogger Zach said...

i'm glad you enjoy my posts molly :-)

5:51 PM

Anonymous Antoinette said...

Like Katie, the entry seemed negative to me (I guess at the moment I don't understand true love yet, and I don't think I'd be ready to compromise so much that I give up everything I once enjoyed doing) but I understand that it's a positive post and it really is quite sweet. I'm glad you have such a close relationship with your friend; I can think of maybe two people who I share that sort of friendship with, and I don't know what I'd do if I had never met them. :)

7:47 PM

Anonymous katie said...

on re-reading, the one thing i'm sure of is that i need to deal with my own dislike of suburbia and suburban culture. it's not what i want for myself, but that doesn't mean it can't be as lovely as what you've described.

i just hope, for myself, to live a life revolving around someone who spurs me on to become "more" rather than locks me into becoming "same".

9:03 PM

Blogger .kate. said...

I agree with Katie to some extent, I saw it negative as well. Maybe it's because I'm 20, naive & stubborn, and considerably full of life. Your journal entry, made me slightly depressed, simply because a door in her life has closed. And not just any door, it's the one were you're able to do whatever you please, and not worry about the consequences, that "college student" state of mind. You're able to truly be yourself. Of course we all can't stay young forever, but wouldn't it be great if we could?

On the other hand, it's also this beautiful notion of finding the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. They become the reason you get out of bed in the morning. Your spouse gives you the reason to grow up, to put away foolish tendencies- and unrealistic dreams. It made me consider my own current situation- being single and independent for the first time in a long time- it's beneficial... because sooner or later, we all must grow up, our priorities will shift onto our spouse and our children, and soon enough our grandchildren. It's just this scary notion that one day we will be forced to be something we never thought we would be. Congrats to your friend, a new door has opened for her. And hopefully she has found that everlasting love, the kind of love you only read about in romance novels.

9:19 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I go to UCF and reading this post makes me believe that there is hope that I can too obtain a friendship as great as the one you describe between you and this woman. Be it with someone that I already know from high school, or someone that I will meet along my random travels. It is nice to know that among the many people on this campus, there are people worth meeting.

I also agree with you when you say that it is beautiful when someone loves another person so much that they completely devote their life to their spouse. To forget about issues such as politics and where the next best show will be, all in order to be a better wife. I do however believe that, all though it is beautiful, I hope that when I come to that point in life, I won't immerse myself so much into the "suburban life" that I forget who I am and who I used to be.

Weddings can be so beautiful, yet so bittersweet.

Also, I was wondering, do you remember how that Philosphy class was? I am registering for spring semester, and I need one more class to fufill the bright futures requirement. A friend at another college loves her philosphy class, but I have no one from UCF, no "inside information", to compare to.

Go Knights.... Okay, maybe that was too much. =]

10:25 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

zach... I always enjoy reading your posts...

however reading this one cemented one possibility in my head as a reality. I knew you took some philosophy at some point. You and Jacob have such poingnant thoughts, I appreciate them.

And as far as the whole marriage thing, some of my closest friends have also been tying the proverbial knot... does it make you feel old in any way? It does me...

11:56 PM

Anonymous Lillie said...

she sounds like an amazing person...and it sounds like you two had one of those almost holy friendships. the kind that are just so sacred and beautiful nothing can tear them apart. i love friendships like that, and i'm glad that she had such an impact on you and you are recognizing that publicly. that's really cool, zach. :)

9:07 PM

Anonymous rachel said...

i read this journal entry a lot. i just like it. it just sounds like such a good friendship and i love reading about it. i think it's beautiful. so, thanks for sharing it. :]

1:26 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Zach (David?)
I have been slowly skimming your blog from the beginning and the honesty and self-awareness in each post has blown me away. All your views on religion, Christianity, heaven and media have resonated incredibly, as I feel like I am walking down the same road you did back when you wrote these posts.
Anyway I'm a second year university student so I enjoyed this post about college friends, and the purity of such a deep connection...and yet you just completely lost me at the end.
What would ever make you think she will change because she gets married? As a good friend, shouldn't you still be able to carry on your friendship whether or not she is married...As accepting as you are, it seems like you see marriage as this submission into serving her husband. If she married you would you expect her to be an bland, boring suburban wife? I'm sorry if this is too personal... I love your honesty and immediacy but this time it seems to be telling of really warped views on marital roles.
maybe i missed this in other responses but I feel like you seen marriage as losing yourself instead of sharing yourself...

9:09 PM


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