Thursday, March 15, 2007

could you imagine?

My life has existed in a comfortable middle, a bed of greys, mostly soft and within reason. I have only seen the opposing ends of existance merely in brief, distant glances, like a passenger on a fast moving train looking through a window at the neglected sects of a city.... and that alone is enough to suck the breath right out of me. The diametrical opposites of an unexplainable and unpenetrable love, juxtaposed against a despondent something, an action or decision based on nothing other than a last resort. The soft middle is where words like "love" and "desperation" take on meanings that are much less offensive, much less impacting, much less consequential. "Love" in the middle is treated like a cheap marriage, a marriage in hollywood...... Anyway do you ever become aware, when you feel or experience anything real or honest? Some hint of truth that escapes its confines for one second, or maybe one whole minute and makes you completely drunk and incapable of putting anything you're feeling into words? Everything that the world is made of, the schematics of life and love, lies under a blanket of distraction and our eyes become glazed to it, maybe a tad like the "matrix", but not so cinematically sinister, although equally as important? I'm drinking wine right now and my head is becoming heavy. There is snow outside, and babies being born, love being discovered, love being wasted, love being made, the sun continues to role across the sky, everything continues as it has for centuries, and we are blind and arrogant enough to think we are a culmination here on earth. The world continues, and we continue our desire to just get along. My world is much too small for any kind of wisdom to be gained.


Blogger Cathryn said...

"Do you ever become aware, when you feel or experience anything real or honest?..."

I hope I can answer "yes" honestly. There have been times--not very often, but there have been--when it seems like I've stumbled into a puddle of truth; when so much of what I spend my time doing becomes instantly inconsequential and it's like I've glimpsed the divine. I think part of the challenge of mortality, for me, anyway, is learning to get by on these glimpses until we can discover who and what we really's like Paul says: "For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known."

10:58 PM

Blogger Melanie said...

That's one of my favorite verses, Catherine. I think you said that well.

Zach, you are a master of contrasts and asking questions to make one think. It is a pleasure.

I am wondering how you cannot be aware if something real and honest happens if you are "alive" at all. It is the contrast with things that are not that brings it home for me, mostly, like Paul's struggle at the end of Romans and his realization in Romans 8:1. Sometimes I get so caught up in what is in the here and now and even what I enjoy most to realize that those things by themselves are not enough. I think those are the times I am most teachable.

I hope that makes sense, but I'm rather sleepy now and probably rambling too much. LOL

7:42 PM

Blogger Sara said...

hmm. deep. you make me if my classes don't do that enough. =-)

7:43 PM


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