Tuesday, December 02, 2008

I'm sick of myself when I think of You.

I was recently asked about the last time I felt the presence of God. I couldn't really recall. Although, there have been moments where I was under the influence of something, but can I be so bold as to attribute those passing fits to Him? Over the past year, while my mind and heart have been in constant, unmerciful flux, vulnerable to inconsistent tides, there are, not too often, rare moments of clarity that could be the influence of divinity. I believe that clarity could be a sign of God glowing brighter than usual. I've always thought that the truth of God lies patiently (too patiently) beneath all of histories victories and mankind's growing achievements. I'm bothered by these years of teachings that taught me to only distrust myself, to distrust my inclinations. Tools of the devil. So much so that any excitement I may experience is quickly assuaged, and second guessed. Concerning this wretched and sinful earth, which God has made in seven days, what are we supposed to revolt against, and what are we to embrace? Which leaders are we to follow, and what philosophers are we to dismiss? Are we to be eager to leave this miracle of earth in a quick ascent to heaven, or should we surround ourselves with its glory and the love of our families? I've read that nothing of this life matters. Find your opinion and find your verse, and then get back to me. I feel as though the blog could be a sin as well, I'm sure some would call it so. I am constantly failing.

"The machinery of the kingdom is very simple, and very silent"


Blogger rachel! said...

pretty sure that this blog has challenged my beliefs in god, for the better, and shown me new ways to think about different things.

so, what do you attribute to him? what qualifies as a sign from god? for me, i see god in tiny things, like when things work out ridiculously well, like when stupid prayers that don't matter, like OH, like when i wanted to get my helix pierced, i had to wait a week, and then when i finally got it pierced it was on sale for $10, like stupid things that nobody else would really care about. so, i don't know. do you think i am "overattributing" things to god?

8:08 PM

Blogger Melanie said...

Second guessing is something I've always been good at. I'm not too sure how well it works.

I have no answers other than I trust that if we truly seek God, he will at some point be found, and that God is big enough to handle our questioning. I see God sometimes in the answers that seem to go beyond me. I guess it can be fairly subjective.

I'm not sure it would be a fair assessment to say that nothing in this life matters. Were here for some purpose. Finding it is the tricky part?

I'm not sure if you were serious about picking a verse, but Romans 3:23 came to mind.

8:53 PM

Blogger Jecca said...

i've been thinking about this since you posted it...i really appreciate how much you share. if my blog were read by as many people as yours is, i would be hesitant to say anything very personal.

i don't claim to understand all of God or to know everything about how we are to specifically live. but in order to be a Christian, a person has to accept all of the Bible as absolute truth. it's either all true or none of it's true. so if i really believe Jesus came to die for my sins, then that means i also believe the creation story, noah and the flood, revelation, etc...i connect this to your question about leaders and philosophers, which i'm going to treat as an actual question and not a rhetorical one. the simple answer is that we are only to follow the authorities placed above us as long as they are not asking us to go against Scripture or against what God has said is suitable for us as believers. that's why it's imperative that we know what the Word says. as for philosophers, i would say the same thing. if what they are saying is contrary to anything Scripture states, that reflection should be tossed aside. we should always be going to the Word first before people and their opinions.

as to eagerness to leave or stay...i am eager to live today. if that means i get to be with Jesus, then that would be awesome. but i think it's just as awesome to be here on earth because He wants me here for today.

i think you mentioned recently that you'd been to church a few times in a row, which was not common. i really hope you are able to find a church you can call your own that is authentic and life-changing. my church has been the catalyst for a life i love living, since i'm able to be directly involved in ministry. in case you are interested at all, you can watch online at www.tfhny.org or download the podcast on itunes.

i hope i've made sense and any of that resonated with you. i'm never quite sure what to say, despite being compelled to say SOMEthing, but know that i really appreciate how you challenge me to think deeply about the important things and i'm praying for you.

7:07 PM

Blogger David said...

i appreciate you people. :-)

11:31 PM


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