Thursday, April 24, 2008


We just got home. I slept the whole way home. I always forget about certain things that are in my room when I'm gone for so long. This time, the highlight was the new set of bed sheets that I was given, I saw them and immediately smiled. I saw a whole lot of mail on the kitchen table, most of which I throw away. I hate opening up my computer and having a lot of emails, i always think there will be bad news, it's the same thing with "snail mail"...all of these Bank of America envelopes..ugh. At the show today, I was exhausted. One of my amps stopped working yesterday, and so today, I had to change my approach to playing show, I had to be a lot more cognizant, which made me feeling boring. I kept doing the same thing, walking back to the drum riser, then back to my pedal board. I felt silly on stage, like all of my mistakes were very audible. There were a lot of beach balls floating around, bouncing off of heads. I kept seeing dogs pulling people around on skateboards, and I would see people singing a long and having fun, and I also saw people walking away during our set. My head kept spinning the same thought..."one more time, one more time then we're done." So now we're done, and the last 5 weeks definitely happened, I have the pictures to prove it, but it was someone else who lived it, I just sat there and watched, analyzed, and made irrational judgements about what was going on, and why. I finished a book, I think I did...hmm, no I take that back...I got through some short stories. My life is strange, and I'm a boring person, silly even. In North Carolina, a few of us were back stage having a conversation about music, and I was running my mouth about certain bands and their similarities. I think I became needless in the specifics and I became aware that I would probably think I was lame if I watched myself go on these rants. I have this muted desire to have a life like the characters in High Fidelity. I feel like everyone was probably rolling their eyes in their head and waiting patiently for me to shut up. I'm afraid that I have a lot of personality characteristics I would find annoying in someone else. Denial freaks me out. Being home is nice, I'm getting tired fast.


Blogger Melanie said...

I'm at home a lot, and I still dread opening all the mail. I can't shred the junk mail fast enough and it takes over. I'm sure I could fill up one of those mountains over there in Ogden.

I guess the nice part of coming home would be finding small pleasures you'd almost forgotten about - and sleeping - in your own bed with the new sheets. Hope you get some good rest. The feeling that you are just watching things happen and life passing by without your involvement is magnified when you are exhausted, or so I've noticed. I've had that feeling and sometimes it leaves me too apathetic, or maybe it is just that inertia sets in because I do care. It's sometimes hard to shake.

Anyway, one thing you probably are not is boring, I'm quite sure.

Take care of yourself,

2:34 AM

Blogger Zach said...

I'm glad to hear you all made it home safely.

3:57 AM

Blogger Jecca said...

Glad you are all home. I was wondering how long it would take to get there from the show. Thanks for your dedication, this tour included the best mae concert i've seen. And I think it's safe to say we don't find you at all boring.

5:33 AM


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